The Friday morning before our spring break was supposed to start my roommate walked into the room at 11:00AM and told me and my other roommate that he overheard that the campus is going to be shut down and we need to pack up all of our stuff. I didn’t believe him especially because I had been approved to stay on campus for the duration of break. I was going to stay because my mother is immunocompromised and with the ever-increasing number of cases I did not want to risk bringing something home to my mother. Around 1:00PM in the afternoon it was officially announced that the campus would be closing for the semester and everyone should be completely moved out by the end of break. This was horrifying and I was devastated as was so many other people in my building who were having breakdowns and others on the verge of tears. I was terrified to go home because I really didn’t want to go to a state where there was already so many confirmed cases and then be with my mother who is at extreme risk of dying from the virus.

I decided to stay on campus an extra night so I could have my brother come up and help me pack everything up and give me an extra car for more space. When he arrived the next day, I threw all of my things into the car as fast as I could and then came the time to say goodbye to some of my favorite people. I almost cried saying goodbye to mt RA, the downstairs RA, and one of the other RA’s in a different building. All of these people have helped me through some of the hardest times of my life and it was so depressing leaving them all. I sobbed the entire two-hour drive home.

After getting home I decided I just wasn’t going to unpack, and even to today I have not done anything expect putting my clothes back into my closet and hanging up my favorite poster I had on campus. A day after being home I had to go to the grocery store to get some food because my mother can’t go anywhere anymore. When I arrived the parking lot was completely full, there were not many carts left, everyone was wearing masks and some people were coughing as they stood in line. The store felt dark and I was horrified being in there, the employees were wearing gloves, masks, and some of these staying as far away from people as possible. Standing in line people were frustrated having to wait so long and one man almost breathing down my neck, which was disgusting. Once I got out, I felt like I could breathe again and the moment I got home I washed my hands and took a shower because it felt so disgusting in there. I haven’t gone since, but my dad (who can now shop specialty hours for the elderly) said that it is so much cleaner in the stores and they only let a certain number of people in at a time, so it is good to know that stores are working on cleaning up as much as possible.

Having an immunocompromised mother in the household has taught me a lot of things about cleanliness and how important spending time with family is, especially with a deadly virus sweeping over the globe. I clean everything around the house almost daily if my dad goes to work because although he normally has no contact with other people, I just want to be cautious and be sure no one in the house is exposed to anything. Also spending time with my mother is really important now, if anything were to happen to her, I would be devastated but somehow, we all just have to be in the mindset that some things are just possible. Originally, I was planning on staying on campus, even signing up for break housing so I wouldn’t have to go home and bring any germs from school back with me. But once I got the email that school was shut down, I had a phone call with my mom where both of us cried because we were happy, I was going home, but also terrified about something happening. It was a bittersweet moment for me, especially from missing my dogs for so long. Being able to spend time home has been really good for me, I needed time to work on mental health away from school and it has been working pretty well for me.

I have learned a lot about myself from being home this long almost locked away from society. I have always thought of myself as an introvert and being at school has given me an opportunity to find people that I can actually spend time with and not be anxious around. I was finally starting to feel actual happiness which was then shattered by being almost thrown out without warning. The first week was terrible, I didn’t do much other than mope around, but calls with everyone I care about have really helped me through this and I am finally starting to feel better. For other people, I have learned that most of my friends are exactly the same way and we are all growing so much closer because of it. Some of us thought that going back to being introverted would have been helpful, but in the end we all care about each other too much to go five months without seeing or speaking to each other. 

So although this is a horrifying and depressing situation to be in, I have learned to only look at the little moments and be happy with what you have. I am no longer depressed living in the house I hoped to get away from for much longer, and I am finally starting to relax.